Complications Over Lunch
by dazai-san
Summary: Kakashi and Iruka sure go out to eat lunch together a lot. (In other words: In which nobody believes that Kakashi and Iruka aren't dating, nobody believes that Tenzo and Kakashi are, and Tenzo isn't jealous. Not at all! In fact, he seems to be rather amused by this whole mess.)


**Title:** Complications Over Lunch

 **Summary:** Kakashi and Iruka sure go out to eat lunch together a lot. (In other words: In which nobody believes that Kakashi and Iruka aren't dating, nobody believes that Tenzo and Kakashi are, and Tenzo isn't jealous. Not at all! In fact, he seems to be rather amused by this whole mess.)

 **Notes:** I don't ship Iruka and Kakashi. I mean, they would go well together, but the thing is, they have like, _two_ significant meetings throughout the entire series. This fic is an attempt to give an actual reason _why_ people ship Kakashi and Iruka, and an attempt to get more people into the Kakashi and Tenzo pairing.

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"I'm sorry, did Ino just say what I thought she said?" Iruka asks, choking on his water.

Kakashi, who had finished his food already, grimaces slightly. "If what you heard her say was 'giggle, giggle, aren't Iruka-sensei and Kakashi-sensei so cute together, giggle, giggle', yes, I heard the same thing."

Iruka coughs, and Kakashi absentmindedly reaches over to pat his companion on the back. Once he recovers, Iruka asks, "Aren't you seeing Tenzo, though?"

The other winces a little. "Yes. But it seems that whenever I try to tell somebody, they give me a strange look. A disapproving look. I think it's because they think I'm seeing _you_. Oh Kami-sama, _why?_ "

"If it's any consolation, we know the truth," Ayame calls from the back of the stand.

"I wonder what _Tenzo_ feels about all this," Kakashi groans, burying his face in his arms. "I hope he doesn't think I'm cheating on him."

"There, there," Iruka says, patting Kakashi on the arm like he's used to comforting people, which he probably is, being a teacher and all. "I'm certain he knows you're a very devoted person."

"Who knows Kakashi's a very devoted person?" Speak of the devil. Tenzo takes a seat on Kakashi's other side.

"You," Iruka answers for Kakashi.

"Tenzo, do you think I'm dating Iruka?" Kakashi asks in a small voice, voice muffled by his arms.

"Kakashi, you moron, _I'm_ dating you, rumors be damned," Tenzo sighs, and turns briefly to Ayame to order his food.

"Aren't you supposed to be jealous of me or something?" Iruka inquires skeptically. "That's how most relationships go, right?"

"Kakashi and I aren't 'most relationships', Umino-san," Tenzo points out. "And besides, Kakashi-senpai is much like a puppy. Devoted and loyal."

"A _puppy?_ " Kakashi complains.

"You have a point," Iruka agrees, completely ignoring Kakashi's complaint. "And just Iruka is fine, Tenzo-san."

"I'm not used to the honorific," Tenzo says sheepishly, "so just Tenzo's fine. And of course I do. He even has _dogs._ And a sharp nose. Not to mention, he was the best tracker in ANBU."

"You flatter me, Tenzo."

"Damn. I didn't want to boost your already-too-big ego."

Before anybody else can say anything, Naruto, with Sakura in tow, charge into the vicinity and Kakashi and Tenzo groan simultaneously while Iruka simply puts on a pained smile.

"Our favorite Highly Visible Ninja has appeared," Kakashi mumbles under his breath, slightly fondly.

"KAKASHI-SENSEI!" Naruto shouts. "IF YOU DARE HURT IRUKA-SENSEI I WILL CASTRATE YOU!"

Kakashi falls out of his seat in shock. "Naruto, you know what _castrate_ means?"

"That's not the point!" Naruto huffs.

"Kakashi-sensei, you have to stay loyal to him," Sakura adds.

"Sakura, Naruto, I don't know exactly _who_ you've been listening to, but Iruka and I are not dating, and we never will be," Kakashi sighs resignedly.

"No," Iruka agrees. "I'm not about to put the moves on a taken guy anyway."

"While I'm perfectly fine with Kakashi having lunch with Iruka every week, if Iruka-san had put the moves on Kakashi, I'm certain that we'd be one chuunin short," Tenzo chimes in with a cheerful and very terrifying smile that still manages to work even with a mouthful of ramen and a piece of seaweed stuck on his face.

"T-Tenzo," Iruka stutters, looking terrified. "Y-you don't have to go that far."

Naruto glares at Tenzo. "Yama—Tenzo-taichou, don't even _touch_ Iruka-sensei."

"You sound like an overprotective boyfriend or mother," Kakashi mumbles, having picked himself up and sat back down.

Naruto turns red. "What—no! I'm true to Hinata-chan!"

"Then a mother?" Sakura suggests innocently.

" _No!_ " Naruto cries as Sakura drags him off.

"Sorry Kakashi-sensei, Iruka-sensei, Tenzo-taichou, for interrupting you!"

The three of them watch the pair go off.

Kakashi hands Tenzo a napkin. "You have seaweed on your face."

"Thank you, senpai." Tenzo takes the napkin and wipes it off before finishing his lunch.

Tenzo and Kakashi bid Iruka goodbye before heading off on their own. "Why," Kakashi says with no inflection. "Just, why."

"It's because of how often you eat out with Iruka-san," Tenzo points out. "I don't mind, as long as you don't actually get together."

"That's easy," Kakashi says. "There's only you who's probably willing to deal with me. Iruka's certainly nice but I doubt he'd be willing to deal with all of my habits."

"True," Tenzo agrees, nodding. "Especially being extremely clingy."

"What—no, I am _not!_ " Kakashi exclaims.

"Kakashi, I never pegged you as a _cheater._ "

Kakashi jumps at the sudden voice by his ear and turns to see Kurenai glaring at him.

"Are you another one of those people who thinks I'm dating Iruka?" Kakashi demands. "Because I'm not. You can ask him for proof."

"You do realize, Yuuhi-san, Kakashi's been taken since he was sixteen?" Tenzo speaks up mildly. "By me. We just kept quiet about it for twenty years."

Kurenai looks briefly surprised. "Then exactly what are you doing with Iruka?" she snaps, her anger coming back with a vengeance.

"It's a completely _platonic_ relationship, Kurenai," Kakashi sighs. "It's like you eating out with me, or Genma, or whoever."

She deflates. "Then why haven't you told any of us?"

"Because every time I _try_ , you give me a very disappointed look and I feel like a kid caught red-handed while trying to steal cookies _despite the fact that I'm not doing anything wrong._ "

Kurenai looks mildly guilty. "Oh. Sorry. But I never thought you _cared_ about what others thought of you. Otherwise, you wouldn't read porn in public and show up late to every meeting by an hour."

"There's a difference between not caring and appearing not to care," Kakashi huffs. "And I'll have you know, they're _adventure romance novels._ Not to mention, the coming late part is a nostalgic memory."

"By the way, Tenzo," Kurenai addresses the Mokuton user, "aren't you jealous?"

"No," Tenzo answers. "I find it utterly hilarious. And should Iruka have put the moves on him, we'd most likely be one chuunin short. And Kakashi wouldn't have cheated either way."

Kurenai studies Tenzo curiously. "We need to talk more," she decides.

Kakashi briefly wonders if Tenzo and Kurenai talking more is a good or a bad thing.

"I'll spread word around that it's you guys together, not Kakashi and Iruka," Kurenai says.

" _Thank you,_ " Kakashi breathes, immensely grateful to the ex-kunoichi.

"By the way, who's top and who's bottom?"

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 **a/n:** that was fun. Very, very fun.

The answer to that last question is totally up to you.

Hit the review button on your way out? I love reviews. They make up my life, sad as that is.


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